A Better Future for Myself

For a long while, I thought that the point of having a blog was to have a purpose, pursue such purpose and then write about it for any one who happens to stumble upon your blog, to read about, or better yet,  to gain followers who thought your life was awesome and worth reading about.

Today, however, I had a bit of an emotionless emotional breakdown while talking to my best friend/ mother about how I don't know my purpose in life or even short term and how that prevents me from doing anything... even figuring out what it is that I want to do. Through that conversation, and A LOT of time spent thinking about this idea, i'm beginning to realize the importance of seizing the day. 

Intimidation is something that I am often overwhelmed by, mostly in the form of my appearance/weight and the fact that I'm unable to name things off the top of my head that distinguish me from any other person in the world. This idea of being intimidated has prevented me from seeking out strong goals, interests and interesting people for a majority of my life. To claim that I have had some sort of epiphany would be ridiculous and untrue; this has been a long time coming, but it would also be false to say that my recent thoughts have been pointless and were bringing me no closer to figuring out myself and my desires. 

Although I am positive that I am going to feel intimidated and lazy many times in the future, I am now reminding myself that I am working towards something. I am working towards what is going empower me and make me a happier and more content person, not always worrying that I'm not being productive enough or having something to show for what I do.

I'm writing this is now for no other reason than to mark my own success. To mark what I hope will be one of many more posts for myself on my own blog now that I am not so fearful of the world. That although I'm not positive to what I'm bringing to it, I am bringing something that is meaningful and worthy of life to me.

AN ENTIRE PAIR

I awoke this morning at around 5 a.m. to the sound of my dog hacking. Anticipating that he was about to vomit, I pushed his head over the side of my bed to lessen the extent of cleaning that would be my responsibility after the whole ordeal had ended. Naturally, he vomited and while cleaning I realized the what I thought was an average yet disgusting pile of grass or his dinner, was actually an entire pair of underwear. How he consumed the underwear is much more amusing to me than my anger at him for eating it. I will probably be stopping by the store later to pick up some new Hanky Panky's; and never will i leave my undergarments on the ground and unattended.

Do the right thing and download LE1F's new album... for free, it's nearly perfect. 

Fashion Flashback

If one were to ask me what my favorite collection of prints and patterns were in this decade of fashion thus far, hands-down it would be Rodarte's SS2011 collection.

A belated Murray XXX-mas to all

BEGIN

Virginia Woolf, my fucking hero and probably one of the most intelligent and self-aware women that I am aware of; her shit is my choice of shit to mark the beginning of this soul-searching era of my life. That, and 2 X (extended jam out) on repeat by aids-3d... Hopefully I can stop by Berlin and get a taste of their music live if I ever end up making it out of the country this winter.

~__~

                                                                             

STARTING NOW

Taking a year off of school to learn a little more about life. My plans on how to do so include: taking a trip over to Europe (or somewhere? maybe even Montana?) --- don't know when I'll come back, read a shit ton, listen to a disgustingly massive amount of music, and lastly, I intended on drinking a lot with the mentality that an intoxicated me is possibly a better me.