I grew up with an incredible mother who has never wanted anything but the absolute best for me. She has done whatever she could in her power to make sure that I have had the best lifestyle and overall quality of life possible.
That being said, I shouldn't have many reasons to not love myself or feel worthy and capable of whatever it is that I desire. With the exception of a decently shitty father and somewhere a long the way, a terribly fucked up idea of my self-image, I have been given almost all everything that I wanted. But I can no longer rely on my parents to give me everything I want, not because they no longer want to, but because the no longer can. What I want is not tangible, it cannot be purchased or taken from a hug and a good talk (all of which I still love), but now I desire to be self-made. To accomplish things on my own and to claim my successes as my own. I want to rely on myself, with the support of family and friends, and become someone that has a voice of her own and is using it to do something she loves.
I believe that having such desires is an admirable thing. Wanting to become something and someone is an idea that I think most people struggle with and desire, but it is the act of doing so that I find the most daunting and think is where most people either get stuck and fall or stumble and push through and find that they have reached their goal.
Reaching my goals (although again I'm not fully sure what they are) is the most important thing to me and in order to reach these goals, I am putting together yet another list to help remind myself of what it is that I need to do in order to reach them!
A custom-made list full of petty yet extremely meaningful and customized feelings and thoughts to reming myself of daily, hourly, minutely:
-dress well
(dress to impress yourself, buy clothing that fits you well. doing this will follow getting in shape and becoming more confident with who you are and your body. don't wear workout pants and an oversized top unless that's what you want to wear and feel makes you look beautiful that day)
(make a statement with how you dress. ALWAYS. dress practically... because you are a student and you cant just make a living looking pretty... four-inch heels and a fragile silk blouse are not always practical for your daily life, but don't be afraid to wear something fresh and funky. Again, your weight is always something you consider when wearing something interesting; because drawing attention to yourself means drawing attention to your body, your face, everything about you that you sometimes don't want others to see. but you know that you have an incredible sense of style so don't second guess your outfits, and eventually you will stop second-guessing yourself)
-hygiene
(wash your face twice a day [even if you're in a rush or too tired and drunk and cannot even fathom the idea of moving your body an inch... FUCKING DO IT OR DIE], put on makeup, whiten teeth, floss, wear you retainer, shower, shave, and wash your hair often, make yourself feel pretty because it will most certainly translate in how you feel about yourself when around others)
-your body
(it is always going to be good, you're not huge, you have that going for you. remember that even when you feel giant, you've probably been bigger before and even if not, your highest weight is still the average for your height... but you're not a model and I know life sucks because of that fact [but it actually doesn't]. you are your biggest critic, no one [with the exception of a really terrible person/ex-boyfriend] will EVER criticize you the way that you criticize yourself.)
No comments:
Post a Comment